By Stephanie Agnew, Parents Place Assistant Director 

The results are in. Children who participate in quality preschool programs do better academically, professionally, and personally. A strong preschool program focuses on learning and development, teaching academics as well as critical social and emotional skills. Even during this uncertain time of a global pandemic, young children need to interact with peers and learn to separate from family. To find the right environment for your child and family, begin with these initial questions:

1. WHERE? Do I want my child in a home or school setting, full- or part-time? Home settings can be cozy, but caregiver credentials vary. The smaller group size and mixed aged can be more comforting for slow to warm or very young children. California licensing requires a child to caregiver ratio of no more than 4:1 for infants, 6:1 for 2-year-olds, and 12:1 for 3- and 4-year olds in school settings. In home settings, the maximum group size is 12, and there must be at least two caregivers for settings of more than six children. Center-based programs offer more social variety and a larger environment to explore. Cost will vary depending on the type of program and number of hours of care. You will also want to consider the distance from home or your work to the school.
2. WHEN? Are both parents returning to work? Are there socialization concerns or separation issues? Is the at-home parent ready for time alone? Is the child ready for kindergarten? Some families need care after a few weeks or months, while others may only need the pre-K experience before beginning formal elementary school. Children should have at least one year—but preferably two years—of a quality group experience before starting kindergarten.
3. WHO? Think about your child. Will your active child be restless in a program with limited outdoor time? Are children encouraged to sample a variety of indoor and outdoor activities? How do children learn conflict resolution skills and develop resiliency? Is your sensitive child easily overwhelmed in a large crowd? Also think about yourself. Does the school have a community that you can become part of? Will you feel supported by teachers, administrators, and other parents? Are there opportunities for you to be involved in ways that work with your time constraints and interests?

Now that you’ve thought about the basic questions, let’s find out what type of preschool best meets your child and family needs. Here are some popular teaching philosophies to consider when choosing an early learning program:

Developmental: A developmentally appropriate, play-based program supports learning in all five areas of development, including gross-motor and fine-motor skills, language and cognitive development, and social and emotional learning. Classrooms are teacher-directed or child-centered, depending on the school orientation. Includes free play time, as well as more structured circle times or group activities.

Montessori (Maria Montessori, 1870-1952): Classrooms are structured, with children moving from activity to activity at their own pace. Many Montessori programs incorporate three principles: observation of the child, personal liberty, and preparation of the environment. Special materials emphasize the use of all the senses. Children are self-directed and encouraged to work independently, often in multi-age classrooms.

Parent Cooperative: Parent participation is required, either in the classroom, at home, or by serving on a parent board that operates the school. The basic philosophy is that children and parents go to school together with guidance from a qualified teacher. The focus is on child development. There is often a parent education component either during the day or in evening meetings.

Reggio Emilia (Loris Malaguzzi, 1920-1994): Evolved from the parent cooperative movement, these programs involve the community in the world of the child. Emphasis is on relationships with peers and adults, creative thinking skills, and project work. Each project lasts from a few weeks to more than a month. Children’s progress is documented through posters or portfolios that capture a child’s learning process. The curriculum emerges from the children’s interests.

Language Immersion: Children are taught in a foreign language. The classrooms and teachers may follow any of these teaching philosophies. Many language immersion programs adopt the Montessori philosophy.

Waldorf (Rudolf Steiner, 1861-1925): Develops a child’s intellectual powers in harmony with his or her nature. Waldorf schools incorporate imaginative play, a multi-sensorial approach, and stress “learning by doing.” Programs may include a lot of creative activity and natural materials in the classroom. Teachers receive specialized training, lead many group activities, and often remain with the same set of children for several years.

Religious: Usually affiliated with a church, synagogue, or other religious organization, these programs may incorporate a lot, a little, or no religious training and may follow any of these teaching philosophies.

University (or lab) Schools: These programs are vehicles for teacher training and ongoing child development research. The staff is usually required to have a higher learning degree, and there may be several student-researchers in the classroom at any one time. Children may benefit from the latest research in the child development field and are expected to be active participants in student research studies.

Academic: Academic programs stress preparation for kindergarten and elementary school, with early reading or formal reading readiness activities, an introduction to paper-and-pencil mathematics, and a focus on achievement. The preschool day is structured, often with separate times for “work” and “play.”

Outdoor/Nature Programs: These programs are usually oriented toward spending most or all of the time outside exploring nature. Most of these programs involve daily field trips to different locations at which the children explore the nature of the location with the guidance of a teacher who plans activities that apply to the place. Some of the programs include parents; some do not.

Once you’ve found an early learning environment that supports your child and family needs, be sure to communicate your enthusiasm for your child’s first school experience. For many children, this is the beginning of a new, special relationship with another trusted adult. Be supportive, confident, and patient as your child learns to navigate the world outside the home. Become friendly with the teachers, caregivers, and parents, and always focus on your child’s strengths. Your child will benefit from the gift of an early start.

See the detailed Parents Place evaluation checklist for early childhood programs in the next post.

Stephanie Barry Agnew is the Assistant Director of Parents Place in The Center for Children and Youth. She works with parents in groups and individually to help them through a wide variety of parenting issues, including discipline and school choices. She can be reached at 650-931-1841 or StephanieA@jfcs.org. To schedule an individual consultation call 650-688-3046. Learn more about all the Parents Place programs at https://ccy.jfcs.org/

Family-friendly fun activities and events happening in January:

• Curiodyssey IIlluminodyssey, A Dazzling Winter Light Experience - San Mateo, Now - January 16
• Holiday Skating Rink - San Mateo, Now - January 8
• History Museum - Redwood City, January 6, Free First Fridays
• Jurassic Park with Live Orchestra – San Francisco, January 6, 7
• El Día de los Tres Reyes Magos (Three Kings Day) – San Jose, January 7
• The Physics Show – Los Altos Hills, January 7, 8, 21, 22
• Lunar New Year - Oakland, January 6-8
• Good Fortune Weekend - San Francisco, January 7,8
• Monster Jam – Oakland, January 7 
• Family Play Date! - San Mateo, January 8
• Annie by Broadway San Jose – San Jose, January 10-15
• Penguins and Pajamas Sleepover – San Francisco, January 13, 28
• January Second Saturday: Inspired by Water - Palo Alto, January 14
• Shark Day – Redwood City, January 14
• Chinese New Year Flower Market Fair - San Francisco, Jan. 14-15
• The Dream of a King – San Jose, January 16
• Tour of Elizabeth Gamble House and Garden - Palo Alto, January 14
• Family Nature Walks - Palo Alto, January 21 
• Low Tide Walk – Pescadero, January 21
• Bluey’s Big Play – San Francisco, January 21, 22
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar Play – Palo Alto, January 26 – February 12
• Santana Row Lunar New Year Celebration - San Jose, January 28
• Mandarin Lunar New Year Storytime - Burlingame, January 28
• Willy Wonka by Children’s Theatre Association SF – San Francisco, January 29 – February 25
• Concert Party - San Mateo, January 29
• Illuminate SF Festival of Light - San Francisco, November 9, 2022 - January 31, 2023
• de Young Museum - San Francisco - Free Day for Bay Area Residents (every Saturday)
• Legion of Honor - San Francisco - Free Day for Bay Area Residents (every Saturday)

Today's blurb is from the Membership Coordinator. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Christelle Hurstel, Membership Coordinator

Description: Approves member applications to the club, and sends the welcome packages for new members. Creates a new members introduction list for the blog, and Facebook announcements, and approves members to our Facebook group. Works a quarterly new members social with the club president.

What I am proud of: Creating a system that streamlines adding new members, welcoming them, and seeing some members from the ‘social’ I hosted volunteer to serve on the Board.

Perks of the job: I decided to stop working ever since I got married, to relax for the first 3 years before kids came along. The work I do makes me feel like I am still working a job, but on my own time. And meeting new people through membership is fun.

Today's blurb is from Playgroups & Pairings. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Adara Citron, Playgroups & Pairings

Description: Creates playgroups based on children's ages and recruit playgroup coordinators. Facilitates the Parent Pairings program, including promotion, making matches, and sending out monthly discussion prompts.

What I am proud of: I created the Parent Pairings program in 2021 and it has been a joy to see parents connect and learn from each other. The program continues to evolve and I love hearing from participants what they liked and what can make the program better for the next cohort. Creating community is what this program is all about!

Perks of the job: I am able to connect with more parents through playgroups, Parent Pairings, and the Board than I may otherwise. I've met people from all over San Mateo and beyond and love meeting people in person at larger club events after interacting virtually.

Today's blurb is from the treasurer, a very important position for the club. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Nicole Czakon, Treasurer

Description: Responsible for the fiscal integrity of the Club. Process bills/expense reimbursements and deposit revenue. Produces financials and budget information for monthly board meetings. Provides a quarterly financial update for the newsletter. Files federal and state taxes each year. Maintains contracts with the insurance company and keeps governmental document filings current.

What I am proud of: Seeing how well run the San Mateo Parents Club is! We have strong membership, an active events team, and really impressive ad revenue (which helps keep all other fees down). Also, I created a Google sheet that automatically categorizes expenses to help with reconciliation.

Perks of the job: Being able to work on my own time. I work full time and have two small kids, so I need more schedule flexibility than many other positions provide.

The President’s Message this month included a call to volunteer on the SMPC Board. Quite a few board members are stepping down this year and there is a large list of open positions to be filled. To help you better understand the various roles, the current board members will post a little blurb on their experience. One blurb will be posted every few days. Hopefully you will be inspired to step up and serve the community as well!

Daisy Yau, Blog Editor

Description: Determines editorial content, calendar, and themes for the year, including writing articles and/or soliciting content from local writers and contributors. Goal is to post two blog entries per month.

What I am proud of: Out of all the articles published, I am most proud of the article on the nanny market. The nanny market can be such a mystery, not just the numbers, but also how to look for one, and how to interview candidates. Nannies are crucial to many working families in the area, and I hope the article delivered great value to everyone!

Perks of the job: First, I get to scratch my own back and ask experts questions that I personally am interested in. For example, from the sleep article, I got a free refresher on what sleep training means -- very timely for the arrival of my 4th! From the music learning article, I gained a completely new understanding on what connection with music means both for my kids and myself. Second, the job is 100% remote. Do it from your own home.

The holidays are upon us! The SMPC Board would like to share a couple of words with the community on what makes the holidays fun and meaningful to their families. Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season!

Community Events

“Our absolute favorite is Glowfari at the Oakland Zoo. We try to get a ticket for the earliest time window (5pm), bring dinner to eat inside and then head right up on the gondola before it gets too busy.”

“We've enjoyed going to Filoli Gardens in the evenings to see the light displays.”

“We hope to try ice skating at Central Park this year!”

“Our family tradition is to visit Christmas Tree Lane at Eucalyptus in San Carlos  every year. We look for the repeat decorations and identify the new ones.”

“Hopefully [with the pandemic behind us], we will be able to attend candlelight Christmas Eve services again this year.”

Family Activities

“We celebrate Hannukah - we enjoy gathering with our family and the community to light the hanukiah (menorah) each night, eating latkes (potato pancakes) and teaching our boys to play dreidel (which really just means them eating all the gelt (chocolate coins).”

“Every night of Hannukah, we light the candles together as a family and the kids (now 2yrs and 4yrs) are getting old enough to help light the candles. We also have a wooden hanukiah and candle set that the kids can put together on their own. Each night is filled with Hannukah songs and stories. And several times during the 8-day celebration we'll get together with family and enjoy latkes and holiday treats like gelt (chocolate coins) and sufganiyot (jelly-filled donuts).”

“My family in Texas always had Seven Layer Bean Dip on Christmas Eve so we wouldn't have to be too stressed trying to get to church or clean up before Santa came. We also had egg nog and peppermint cocoa (adult versions available too). My husband's family has a Christmas Eve Cookie Party every Christmas Eve after church. We would love to start making this a part of our future festivities!”

“We do an Advent countdown. In years past, we used a wooden Advent calendar, with little drawers representing each day. We wrote Bible verses on strips of paper, and put them into the drawers. Each day, we would take out one strip, forming a ring. We chained the rings together, taping the chain across the ceiling to form a decoration. This year, we are doing a Jesse tree. Each day, we put a new ornament onto the tree, each ornament symbolizing a story about how God brought love to earth.”

“Our extended family does not live close by, so during the Pandemic, we were able to start celebrating here, and one tradition my husband grew up with is cutting down a Christmas Tree. So now we all go to Skyline Ranch Christmas Tree Farm to pick one out and cut it down ourselves. Our children love helping (with a close eye on the handsaw) and tell everyone they picked the tree out!”

Holiday WishES

“I'm looking forward to participating in more local holiday events this year. So many experiences have come back in full-force this year, and we can't wait to go to many!”

“For everyone to remain happy and healthy as we travel to see our loved ones this Christmas and New Year.”

“Wishing everyone time to rest and reflect.”

“I'm not a baker (well I try hahaha), and so many of my childhood memories involve Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, decorating sugar cookies, making special New Years meals, and over the past few years (especially last year when we had a four month old), I gave myself permission to outsource all of the baked goods to Copenhagen Bakery, so my children could have the deliciousness, I wouldn't feel stressed about trying to do it all without feeling like I had failed. I hope everyone stays sane and remembers love and kindness for everyone, including giving ourselves the grace to not do it all!”

Maybe it’s the rain falling, reminding me of the winter I was pregnant with my first (it rained so much the fall of 2016!), or maybe it’s just looking at the blessing of a very full December calendar, but I’m feeling nostalgic and grateful for all that the San Mateo Parents Club has given me over the years.

The winter of 2017 I worked tirelessly at two Skilled Nursing Facilities and saw a few clients through a home health agency in Cupertino and Mountain View. I was working approximately 55-60 hours a week in January and February, and I ended up on bedrest for the weeks leading up to my due date. It was the last full-time position I held, and if we’re being honest, walking away from the demands of a position like that to be a stay at home parent felt very freeing. When William arrived though, I felt quite alone. I didn’t know any of the cafes or playgrounds in San Mateo, nor did I know anyone in the area with children. I joined the SMPC to solve these new life problems.

I was recruited to be a playgroup coordinator at my first play date. Baby William was snuggled up on my chest, sleeping through a wonderful conversation with two other mothers at Fiero Caffe downtown. It was the same day my mom flew home after supporting us through the first weeks of the fourth trimester. I was nervous about meeting other mothers (Will they like me? Are they chill? Will William have a blowout on my lap?), and it felt like a big ask to coordinate the group, but I did it anyway, and I’m so glad I did.

Over time I got to know several more moms and Board Members. I started feeling like I had mental bandwidth and casually mentioned I loved color-coded spreadsheets. The next thing I knew I was the advertising coordinator. Then I coordinated Social Media, Speaker Series, and eventually at the end of 2020, just after finding out I was pregnant with my third child, I was asked to be President. My husband told me it was a bridge too far. I had also started a small project of my own leading Learn With Less® classes, and it seemed like my plate was getting full, but you see, we needed someone to do the job. I was ready to step up to help the team because I believed in the value the club brought to new parents and the community in general.

If this is sounding like a cautionary tale (don’t over commit!), I understand...I did overcommit and 2022 has been the busiest year of my Mom Life, but there are two critical points here I want to mention: I experienced so much personal and professional growth with my time on the Board, and I also realized that keeping a full Board makes everyone’s job easier.

Personally I have met incredible parenting role models, connected deeply with other moms (I met my youngest’s Godmother on the Board), my husband has networked two major accounts through casual conversations with other parents, my children have playmates across all ages, and the Pod that saved us through the Pandemic I met through SMPC playgroups and events.

Professionally I have grown in my confidence as a member of a diverse team and really had to lean-in to what leadership and growth that supports parents looks like. Several members of the current and previous Boards included moms who were considering career changes and wanted to practice a new skill set before stepping into professional roles. I know the lessons I’ve learned as President and filling in for Fundraising and Community Outreach will help me as I navigate owning my own business and collaborate with other professionals in the future.

The Board is a great stepping stone into learning more about our local community and achieving a shared vision of parents supporting parents. I am proud of the 2022 Board’s ability to pivot throughout the pandemic and openly discuss our path forward. Above all, I have come to realize that fostering environments that respect the roles women play in our society and supporting those choices is critical for creating the word I want for my own children. Please consider taking the time in 2023 to help keep this vision alive. As a wise previous SMPC President assured me, when enough of us value something to step up and take ownership, we can keep doing all that is worth doing.

See the full list of open Board Positions; an abbreviated list is also below. No experience is necessary, and outgoing/previous Board Members are available to mentor and support new members throughout the process. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested!

Sincerely,
Rachel Kammeyer
SMPC President
president@sanmateoparentsclub.org

Two of the open Board Positions are below. See the full list of open positions here.

• Community Outreach (1 of 2 positions)
  1-4 hours a month
• • Find and compile local activities, events, and resources (position 1 filled).
  • Discover and find volunteers for outreach opportunities in the process to recruit new members (e.g. tabling at Chamber of Commerce events, Central Park concert series, etc).
  • Community service includes building partnerships and connections which also aids in outreach (Samaritan House, Circle of Inspiration, CORA).
  • Can ask for volunteers among club membership to support on specific outreach event tasks.
• Fundraising (1 position)
  Cyclical commitment, 1-5 hours a month, depending on time of year
• • Generate ideas for fundraising to add to our general funds and coordinate to align with major events when possible.
  • Regular fundraising efforts include Photography Fundraisers (1 Spring/1 Fall), and Mother’s Day Bouquets.
  • Setting up contracts, coordinating with vendors and Web Presence Coordinator as needed for promotions.
  • Funds raised will go to the club's events to serve all members.

By Daisy Yau

November is here, and that means Thanksgiving. Yes, there will be lots of eating, lots of gatherings, perhaps even lots of traveling. But don’t forget to breathe. Pause. Reflect. Give thanks. Gratitude does not necessarily come naturally to us, or to our kids. It takes deliberate practice to cultivate a good habit. Here are some things you can do this month to bring some positive energy into your household.

• Make a thankful tree. In the simplest version: draw a large bare tree, and stick it onto the wall. Print out some leaves, and cut them out. Everyday, ask everyone to write one thing that they give thanks for this past year. By the end of the month, the tree will be full of thankful leaves! There are many ways to execute the same concept. You can put a bunch of branches in a vase. Then hang thankful leaves using strings onto the branches. You can even go fancy and add acorn favors. No matter how you do it, everyone can gather together on Thanksgiving Day to review all that there is to give thanks for.
• Make a kindness tree. It’s like a thankful tree in reverse. Rather than looking backwards on things to give thanks for, the kindness tree looks forward to inspire acts of kindness. Think about the things that you’ve always wanted to do but never found time for… such as, giving flowers to a neighbor, or making blankets to the homeless, or washing the dishes for mom, or sharing a stuffy with sister. Write kindness prompts on leaves, hang them on a tree, and do one per day.
• Keep a 3-year journal. Buy a nice notebook. Divide each page into three sections: the top section is for this year 2022, the middle section is for next year 2023, the bottom section is for 2024. Each page corresponds to a day in November: page 1 is November 1, page 2 is November 2, etc. Everyday in the month of November, reflect upon what you’re thankful for, and write it in the journal. This year, write your thanksgivings in the top section of each page. Keep the journal for next year, and do the same thing but write your thanksgivings in the middle sections. And again the following year, but in the bottom sections. You can then see how you’ve grown or changed throughout the years.
• Write an appreciation letter. Think of someone in your life, perhaps someone you don’t often say thank you to. Write a letter expressing how much you appreciate them. Write about specific instances where they did something you are grateful for. Write about how you felt when they were kind to you.
• Say grace before meals. It can be but does not necessarily have to be religious. It’s always good to give thanks for your food. You can close your eyes and say thanks. You can all hold hands and say thanks. Or if you don’t know the words, you can sing a song. One simple song goes like this: “Thank you for the world so sweet, thank you for the food we eat, thank you for the birds that sing, thank you now for everything.”
• Do a gratitude walk. There is so much in nature to be thankful for. And it’s good for your body to get a nice walk after so much food. As you walk along, say thanks for all that you see. Try to observe the details. How does a bird fly? How does a squirrel hop? How do leaves look? How do clouds change? Give thanks for all there is in this world!

Daisy Yau is an SPMC Board Member, an attorney, and the children ministry director at New Life Community Church, Burlingame.

By Daisy Yau in conversation with Natalia PressmanMusic runs across all cultures through all times. Most would agree that music learning is a good thing. However, many struggle with the commitment that music learning implies – how much does a child need to practice, does my child have what it takes to pass the music exams, am I musically literate enough to help my child?

I had the pleasure to explore what music learning means with Ms. Natalia, the founder and music director of the piano studio Pianissimo in San Mateo. To answer the above questions, one must go back to understand what music learning means.

Q: How has music learning changed over the years?

A: 
If we go back in history and look at the great composers like Bach, Beethoven, Schumann, we see that they learn music as a language. First they listened. They listen a lot. Then they start imitating. They copy what their teachers play. Finally, they start creating their own music. They compose. Through this process, they gain an understanding of the sounds, the harmony, the phrasing. And they form an emotional connection with the music. Musical literacy as reading and writing came later in life. Note-by-note reading and writing of music was deferred. Most critical in music was self-expression. In fact, Bach and Mozart would have been offended by people attempting to repeat their pieces down to every detail.

But through the past 50 years, people increasingly considered reproduction of a musical piece as the ultimate goal. With the development of technology for printing and recording, perfect reproduction of musical pieces became even more important. It was thought that such reproduction was “respectful” to the composer. Hence, all the creative aspects of interpretation, improvisation, composition, arranging–were taken out of the musical curriculum.

Thankfully, there are new trends today to revive the emphasis on musical connection in music learning.

Q: What is musical connection?

A:
I was classically trained. I graduated in Music Performance and Education from the prestigious Conservatory of Buenos Aires, Argentina and continued my career in Europe. I played around the world. But … I couldn't play a note if I hadn’t practiced or planned for it. It’s the same for many graduates from conservatories and universities. They are trained to read a score and reproduce it, or interpret it at best. But if you ask, “Can you play happy birthday?” they freeze. There is a huge disconnection..

Musical connection is an appreciation of music as a way of expressing oneself. Indeed musical connection is ingrained through the human experience. Music starts with lullabies and plays at our funeral. There is music at our birthdays, weddings, and every ceremony that has emotional significance to us. It is such musical connections that should be the focus of music learning.

Q: Is practice needed? How can practice be implemented with a goal towards musical connection?

A:
When students are constantly directed as to what is wrong or right, they don't develop self-awareness. Students need to hear themselves first. That takes a lot of mindfulness.

When students do develop self-awareness, they will listen and realize that they are making (at least some) mistakes. Students might face frustration at first, but will learn to problem solve, persevere and value their work. That takes a lot of emotional regulation and skills.

When students do overcome frustration, find solutions and strategies and continue to practice, they will experience the resultד that comes from sustained work. From that, they develop grit, perseverance, confidence and self esteem.

If piano lessons are a sanctuary to obtain the tools for relating to music in a positive and constructive way, then practice should be an application of those tools for relating to music in a positive and constructive way.

Trust the intrinsic joyful experience of music. Music releases dopamine. It calms us, and at the same time activates us. It helps to focus and concentrate at a very deep level. If music is presented as a joyful experience during lessons, kids will want to replicate it at home during practice.

So, what are practical steps for encouraging practice? Provide your child the space for the possibility to replicate a joyful experience with music.

This “space” includes time and place. Kids need structure. They can’t be expected to excel at time management yet. Provide the physical space that creates the possibility of focusing and connecting with music–that means, no TV blasting in the background, no parent talking loudly in a meeting, and no toddler running under the piano. Provide the time–that means, not holding a child up to the expectation of practicing after swimming, horseback riding, and studying a foreign language.

This “space” also includes a mental space. Ask them questions that trigger self-awareness and intrinsic motivation, such as:

• Do you like the song?
• What do you want to work on?
• What do you want to accomplish?
• What challenges are you facing?
• How are you going to overcome them?
• Do you notice any differences between the first time and the second time that you played?

A delicate nuance in providing practice space is whether a parent should participate. To be clear, parent participation does not require music training. A parent can play a duet with a child, but a parent can also simply improvise over some keys while the child plays, or the parent can clap, dance, and sing. Sometimes parent participation creates a great environment for a child to practice. At other times, a child may want a private practice space. Either is OK.

Now there will be days in which providing a good practice space is not possible. That’s OK, because the goal is not to repeat a song a certain number of times. If the goal is musical connection, there are many ways to achieve it. Play an audio or video of the musical piece that the child is learning–even while riding in the car. Maybe point to the score while listening. Ask the same questions that you would ask during practice to trigger the same type of self-awareness.

How NOT to do practice: Making practice an assignment or a chore. That would replicate school. Children are used to it. Most students will be OK with assignments; a few will resist. But either way, they will not see music as a skill for their own growth and enjoyment. Yes, they may master a piece. But it's a missed opportunity for musical connection. Don’t expect the child to practice for a certain time at every session. Help them find what their goals are for that week and think how they will get better, that way they will be engaged in the practice for as long as their focus allows them and make progress every time they practice. Let them explore as well, and play their favorite pieces for fun.

Q: How should a child prepare for a performance?

A:
A performance is the sharing of music that you enjoy. We all naturally want to share something that we enjoy. There should be no pressure, no judgment. Just a celebration of accomplishments.

Of course that does not mean the child will not be nervous. Acknowledge that performing is challenging. Prior to the performance, run through the feelings with the child. And run through ways to calm oneself in face of such feelings. Ask the child, “What’s the worst case scenario?” Even if the child runs off stage, forgetting all her music, what will happen? Nothing. The child will still be just fine.

As we prepare for a presentation of any kind, they can also practice how they will perform. Those rehearsals should be done during the lessons and also at home. Let them practice if they’ll announce their piece, or if they’ll bow, or how they’ll adjust their seat. Help them take a deep breath and listen to the music in their mind before they start. Having tools to cope with their fears and anxiety will help them in many situations in life, on stage and beyond.

Q: What does musical connection look like in real life?

A:
I once had a student who had to stop piano lessons due to the demands of her ballet practice. She was 8 years old at the time. Later on, she had trouble with bullying in high school. Her mom told me that she was still playing the piano for pleasure, and asked if she could resume lessons with me. It’s been 8 years since her last lesson! Of course, I said yes. I introduced her to improvisation, and types of music that reflect her feelings. While searching for music she connects with, she shared with me many feelings and self-reflections that she became aware of through the music. For her, music became a kind of therapy. Music can be very healing.

As for myself, my music learning was built upon musical connection from the very beginning. I could not have learned note reading as I was born blind. I am grateful for that musical connection, and the multiple surgeries that have now enabled my vision.

As a professional pianist and teacher, I had felt that music education was not fostering the joy of music. Many aspects of the musical experience were missing in the lessons. That’s why, after many years of research and experience, I feel compelled to share the joy of music and plant the seed for these connections to grow.

Natalia Pressman is a pianist and music educator with a vast international career. She founded Pianissimo to share the joy of music through psychological science, innovative pedagogy, and cutting edge technology. Her vision is to help her students form a lifetime connection with music.

Daisy Yau is an SPMC Board Member, an attorney, and the children ministry director at New Life Community Church, Burlingame.