Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s emotions and imagining what they might be thinking or feeling. It is a very complex skill to develop. Having empathy means that a child can do the following things:  

• Understand that they are their own person  
• Understand that others can think and feel differently  
• Recognize feelings that people can have: happiness, sadness, anger, etc  
• Are able to imagine how someone might feel in a particular situation  
• Can imagine what response would be comforting and appropriate  

What You Can Do to Help Toddlers Develop Empathy  

• Empathize with your child: For example, “Are you feeling scared of that dog? He is barking loud. That can be scary. I can hold your hand until he walks away.”  
• Talk about others’ feelings: For example, “Joe is sad because you took his toy. Please give him back his toy and you can choose another toy to play with.”  
• Suggest how they can show empathy: “Ashley is sad because she got a booboo. Let’s get her some ice for her booboo.”  
• Read books about feelings: Some suggestions include:  
• • Find Out About Feelings by Pat-a-Cake  
  • Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang  
  • Happy Hippo, Angry Duck by Sandra Boynton  
  • My Friend is Sad by Mo Willems  
  • The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions by Anna Llenas  
• Be a role model: When you interact with others in a kind and caring way, your child learns from your example  
• Validate your child’s difficult emotions: When our child feels sad or angry, we often rush to try and fix it right away. While this comes from an instinct to protect our children from pain, these feelings are a part of life that children need to learn to cope with. Identifying and validating these feelings helps children learn how to handle them. It can also help children learn how to empathize with others who are feeling these emotions.  
• Use pretend play: For example, you may have your child’s toy hippo say he doesn’t want to share with his friend, the cow. Ask your child: How do you think the cow feels? What should we tell the hippo?  
• Think through the use of “I’m sorry:”We often insist our children say “I’m sorry” as a way for them to take responsibility for their actions. But many young children don’t fully understand what “I’m sorry” means. While it may feel right to have them apologize, it doesn’t necessarily help them learn empathy. It may be more helpful to help children focus on the other person’s feelings and what actions we can take to comfort them.  
• Be patient: Developing empathy takes time! It’s a complex skill and will continue to develop across your child’s life.  

Adapted from “How to Help Your Child Develop Empathy.” 

Hello, Parents!

I am so excited for this next year of San Mateo Parents Club. The Board is in transition as board members who have served many, many terms step away and a new group of parents are taking on these exciting roles. This Club has been lucky to have such dedicated board members, many of whom have been on the Board for 5+ years! This includes outgoing President Rachel Kammeyer, Vice President Kathleen Lam, Membership Coordinator Christelle Hurstel, and Webmaster Stella Hwang. We are indebted to them and many others.

My name is Adara Citron and I’m stepping in as the next President. I have two children, Evan (age 4) and Mara (age 2), live in San Mateo, and work full time as a health policy analyst. I have been a member of SMPC since 2019, took on the role of Playgroups Leader for the Kuddly Koalas playgroup (now merged with Baby Sharks) in 2020, and joined the Board in 2021 as Playgroups Coordinator. In this role, I also started the Parent Pairings program and am happy to be passing those roles on to Erin Livingston. I’m looking forward to this new challenge as President!

Caption: From left, Mara, Josh, Evan, and Adara (taken during the fall photo fundraiser!)

One of the best parts of being in SMPC and on the Board is getting to know so many families in our community. My husband often teases me because one of my missions in my adult life has been to find my community, wherever I am living. When we moved back home to the Bay Area in 2016, one of my first activities was to find adult friends. Sadly, that really didn’t happen for me until I had my older son and met many other amazing parents through prenatal care and SMPC. But now, I go to as many SMPC events as possible, attend the book clubs, and run into people wherever I go in San Mateo. I love that another parent will walk up to my family at Barnes and Nobles to say “hi”, even when I’m not there!

If you’re interested in getting more involved in the Club, please reach out to me! We have a great group of 15 board members so far, but the more people who join, the more we are able to spread around the tasks. If you have one hour per month to share with us, we would be ever so grateful for the assistance. A list of open positions is on our website, including roles of Vice President (aka my right hand person – gotta love the team work!), blog co-editor, membership, fundraising (2-3 events per year), community service coordinator, and preschool fair committee member. There is also never a bad time to join the Board. If you’re too busy now but have more time in a few months, let me know.

Caption: From left, Michelle Carothers, Adara Citron, and Jamie Caplan Giloni (two returning events board members)

Lastly, I want to extend a heartfelt welcome to those of you joining from Foster City Parents Club. While we’re sad FCPC is dissolving, we are ecstatic to have more community members in our ranks.  I would especially love for parents from Foster City to join our Board, helping to ensure this is a welcoming and accessible community for all.

I am looking forward to getting to know so many of you over the next year! Don’t be a stranger if you see me around!

Warmly,

Adara

Our annual Preschool Fair is Saturday January 22 from 2-4pm at the Foster City Recreation Center. Thanks to Parents Place for their support of our annual Preschool Fair and for this helpful list of questions for parents looking to choose the best preschool fit for their family.

Physical Environment

• Does the classroom have a variety of developmental, age-appropriate play materials?
• Are shelves crowded, or can children clearly see and choose materials?
• Are there tables or rug space for playing with materials?
• Does the classroom look warm, inviting, clean, and well-cared for?
• Are there adequate space and time for group and individual activities?
• Are the indoor and outdoor play areas big enough for the number of children enrolled?
• Is there a variety of outdoor play options? (including activities such as gardening, biking, sand, pets, big blocks, painting, water play?) Is there shade?

Interpersonal Environment

• Are you and your child warmly welcomed?
• Do the children look happy, calm, and engaged? Does the teacher appear to be as well?
• Is the environment calm enough that the teacher can observe or participate as needed?
• Do teachers respect and support children’s differing learning styles and temperaments?
• Do children feel safe with one another? How are peer conflicts handled?
• Are teachers using positive forms of redirection and discipline?
• Are the adults good models for behavior and healthy attitudes? Are there a lot of ‘no’s?
• Do staff members share the children’s daily experiences with parents? How?

Activities

• Is there a balance of indoor and outdoor play?
• Are children free to choose their activities?
• Is there a variety of basic visual art media and opportunities for dramatic play?
• Is musical play encouraged? Singing, dancing, instruments?
• Is language stimulation varied? (reading books, indoor/outdoor games)?
• Is there a quiet, cozy spot for calm play?
• Are age-appropriate self-help skills encouraged?
• Are children encouraged (not forced) to participate in circle time?
• Do teachers have time to read a story to the group and one-on-one daily?

Schedule

• Do teachers adapt the schedule to meet children’s needs (more time for art if children are engaged; more outdoor time if needed to work off excess energy)?
• Are there long periods of time for uninterrupted play and free choice of activities?
• How are transitions between activities handled? Do teachers allow enough time to transition, and how do they support children who need extra help?

Staff Concerns

• Is there a high turnover of teachers? What motivates teachers to stay in this early care environment (ongoing professional development, a supportive administration, etc.)?
• Is the staff knowledgeable about early childhood development and the correlation between play and learning?
• How much experience, education, and training are required to teach at the school?

Thank you to Parents Place for providing this evaluation checklist.

By Stephanie Agnew, Parents Place Assistant Director 

The results are in. Children who participate in quality preschool programs do better academically, professionally, and personally. A strong preschool program focuses on learning and development, teaching academics as well as critical social and emotional skills. Even during this uncertain time of a global pandemic, young children need to interact with peers and learn to separate from family. To find the right environment for your child and family, begin with these initial questions:

1. WHERE? Do I want my child in a home or school setting, full- or part-time? Home settings can be cozy, but caregiver credentials vary. The smaller group size and mixed aged can be more comforting for slow to warm or very young children. California licensing requires a child to caregiver ratio of no more than 4:1 for infants, 6:1 for 2-year-olds, and 12:1 for 3- and 4-year olds in school settings. In home settings, the maximum group size is 12, and there must be at least two caregivers for settings of more than six children. Center-based programs offer more social variety and a larger environment to explore. Cost will vary depending on the type of program and number of hours of care. You will also want to consider the distance from home or your work to the school.
2. WHEN? Are both parents returning to work? Are there socialization concerns or separation issues? Is the at-home parent ready for time alone? Is the child ready for kindergarten? Some families need care after a few weeks or months, while others may only need the pre-K experience before beginning formal elementary school. Children should have at least one year—but preferably two years—of a quality group experience before starting kindergarten.
3. WHO? Think about your child. Will your active child be restless in a program with limited outdoor time? Are children encouraged to sample a variety of indoor and outdoor activities? How do children learn conflict resolution skills and develop resiliency? Is your sensitive child easily overwhelmed in a large crowd? Also think about yourself. Does the school have a community that you can become part of? Will you feel supported by teachers, administrators, and other parents? Are there opportunities for you to be involved in ways that work with your time constraints and interests?

Now that you’ve thought about the basic questions, let’s find out what type of preschool best meets your child and family needs. Here are some popular teaching philosophies to consider when choosing an early learning program:

Developmental: A developmentally appropriate, play-based program supports learning in all five areas of development, including gross-motor and fine-motor skills, language and cognitive development, and social and emotional learning. Classrooms are teacher-directed or child-centered, depending on the school orientation. Includes free play time, as well as more structured circle times or group activities.

Montessori (Maria Montessori, 1870-1952): Classrooms are structured, with children moving from activity to activity at their own pace. Many Montessori programs incorporate three principles: observation of the child, personal liberty, and preparation of the environment. Special materials emphasize the use of all the senses. Children are self-directed and encouraged to work independently, often in multi-age classrooms.

Parent Cooperative: Parent participation is required, either in the classroom, at home, or by serving on a parent board that operates the school. The basic philosophy is that children and parents go to school together with guidance from a qualified teacher. The focus is on child development. There is often a parent education component either during the day or in evening meetings.

Reggio Emilia (Loris Malaguzzi, 1920-1994): Evolved from the parent cooperative movement, these programs involve the community in the world of the child. Emphasis is on relationships with peers and adults, creative thinking skills, and project work. Each project lasts from a few weeks to more than a month. Children’s progress is documented through posters or portfolios that capture a child’s learning process. The curriculum emerges from the children’s interests.

Language Immersion: Children are taught in a foreign language. The classrooms and teachers may follow any of these teaching philosophies. Many language immersion programs adopt the Montessori philosophy.

Waldorf (Rudolf Steiner, 1861-1925): Develops a child’s intellectual powers in harmony with his or her nature. Waldorf schools incorporate imaginative play, a multi-sensorial approach, and stress “learning by doing.” Programs may include a lot of creative activity and natural materials in the classroom. Teachers receive specialized training, lead many group activities, and often remain with the same set of children for several years.

Religious: Usually affiliated with a church, synagogue, or other religious organization, these programs may incorporate a lot, a little, or no religious training and may follow any of these teaching philosophies.

University (or lab) Schools: These programs are vehicles for teacher training and ongoing child development research. The staff is usually required to have a higher learning degree, and there may be several student-researchers in the classroom at any one time. Children may benefit from the latest research in the child development field and are expected to be active participants in student research studies.

Academic: Academic programs stress preparation for kindergarten and elementary school, with early reading or formal reading readiness activities, an introduction to paper-and-pencil mathematics, and a focus on achievement. The preschool day is structured, often with separate times for “work” and “play.”

Outdoor/Nature Programs: These programs are usually oriented toward spending most or all of the time outside exploring nature. Most of these programs involve daily field trips to different locations at which the children explore the nature of the location with the guidance of a teacher who plans activities that apply to the place. Some of the programs include parents; some do not.

Once you’ve found an early learning environment that supports your child and family needs, be sure to communicate your enthusiasm for your child’s first school experience. For many children, this is the beginning of a new, special relationship with another trusted adult. Be supportive, confident, and patient as your child learns to navigate the world outside the home. Become friendly with the teachers, caregivers, and parents, and always focus on your child’s strengths. Your child will benefit from the gift of an early start.

See the detailed Parents Place evaluation checklist for early childhood programs in the next post.

Stephanie Barry Agnew is the Assistant Director of Parents Place in The Center for Children and Youth. She works with parents in groups and individually to help them through a wide variety of parenting issues, including discipline and school choices. She can be reached at 650-931-1841 or StephanieA@jfcs.org. To schedule an individual consultation call 650-688-3046. Learn more about all the Parents Place programs at https://ccy.jfcs.org/

Family-friendly fun activities and events happening in January:

• Curiodyssey IIlluminodyssey, A Dazzling Winter Light Experience - San Mateo, Now - January 16
• Holiday Skating Rink - San Mateo, Now - January 8
• History Museum - Redwood City, January 6, Free First Fridays
• Jurassic Park with Live Orchestra – San Francisco, January 6, 7
• El Día de los Tres Reyes Magos (Three Kings Day) – San Jose, January 7
• The Physics Show – Los Altos Hills, January 7, 8, 21, 22
• Lunar New Year - Oakland, January 6-8
• Good Fortune Weekend - San Francisco, January 7,8
• Monster Jam – Oakland, January 7 
• Family Play Date! - San Mateo, January 8
• Annie by Broadway San Jose – San Jose, January 10-15
• Penguins and Pajamas Sleepover – San Francisco, January 13, 28
• January Second Saturday: Inspired by Water - Palo Alto, January 14
• Shark Day – Redwood City, January 14
• Chinese New Year Flower Market Fair - San Francisco, Jan. 14-15
• The Dream of a King – San Jose, January 16
• Tour of Elizabeth Gamble House and Garden - Palo Alto, January 14
• Family Nature Walks - Palo Alto, January 21 
• Low Tide Walk – Pescadero, January 21
• Bluey’s Big Play – San Francisco, January 21, 22
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar Play – Palo Alto, January 26 – February 12
• Santana Row Lunar New Year Celebration - San Jose, January 28
• Mandarin Lunar New Year Storytime - Burlingame, January 28
• Willy Wonka by Children’s Theatre Association SF – San Francisco, January 29 – February 25
• Concert Party - San Mateo, January 29
• Illuminate SF Festival of Light - San Francisco, November 9, 2022 - January 31, 2023
• de Young Museum - San Francisco - Free Day for Bay Area Residents (every Saturday)
• Legion of Honor - San Francisco - Free Day for Bay Area Residents (every Saturday)

Today's blurb is from the Membership Coordinator. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Christelle Hurstel, Membership Coordinator

Description: Approves member applications to the club, and sends the welcome packages for new members. Creates a new members introduction list for the blog, and Facebook announcements, and approves members to our Facebook group. Works a quarterly new members social with the club president.

What I am proud of: Creating a system that streamlines adding new members, welcoming them, and seeing some members from the ‘social’ I hosted volunteer to serve on the Board.

Perks of the job: I decided to stop working ever since I got married, to relax for the first 3 years before kids came along. The work I do makes me feel like I am still working a job, but on my own time. And meeting new people through membership is fun.

Today's blurb is from Playgroups & Pairings. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Adara Citron, Playgroups & Pairings

Description: Creates playgroups based on children's ages and recruit playgroup coordinators. Facilitates the Parent Pairings program, including promotion, making matches, and sending out monthly discussion prompts.

What I am proud of: I created the Parent Pairings program in 2021 and it has been a joy to see parents connect and learn from each other. The program continues to evolve and I love hearing from participants what they liked and what can make the program better for the next cohort. Creating community is what this program is all about!

Perks of the job: I am able to connect with more parents through playgroups, Parent Pairings, and the Board than I may otherwise. I've met people from all over San Mateo and beyond and love meeting people in person at larger club events after interacting virtually.

Today's blurb is from the treasurer, a very important position for the club. There is a large list of open positions to be filled for this coming year. Please reach out to president@sanmateoparentsclub.org if you are interested in joining the board! 

Nicole Czakon, Treasurer

Description: Responsible for the fiscal integrity of the Club. Process bills/expense reimbursements and deposit revenue. Produces financials and budget information for monthly board meetings. Provides a quarterly financial update for the newsletter. Files federal and state taxes each year. Maintains contracts with the insurance company and keeps governmental document filings current.

What I am proud of: Seeing how well run the San Mateo Parents Club is! We have strong membership, an active events team, and really impressive ad revenue (which helps keep all other fees down). Also, I created a Google sheet that automatically categorizes expenses to help with reconciliation.

Perks of the job: Being able to work on my own time. I work full time and have two small kids, so I need more schedule flexibility than many other positions provide.

The President’s Message this month included a call to volunteer on the SMPC Board. Quite a few board members are stepping down this year and there is a large list of open positions to be filled. To help you better understand the various roles, the current board members will post a little blurb on their experience. One blurb will be posted every few days. Hopefully you will be inspired to step up and serve the community as well!

Daisy Yau, Blog Editor

Description: Determines editorial content, calendar, and themes for the year, including writing articles and/or soliciting content from local writers and contributors. Goal is to post two blog entries per month.

What I am proud of: Out of all the articles published, I am most proud of the article on the nanny market. The nanny market can be such a mystery, not just the numbers, but also how to look for one, and how to interview candidates. Nannies are crucial to many working families in the area, and I hope the article delivered great value to everyone!

Perks of the job: First, I get to scratch my own back and ask experts questions that I personally am interested in. For example, from the sleep article, I got a free refresher on what sleep training means -- very timely for the arrival of my 4th! From the music learning article, I gained a completely new understanding on what connection with music means both for my kids and myself. Second, the job is 100% remote. Do it from your own home.